Friday, April 24, 2015

Infertility: What to (NOT) Say

As someone who has been suffering from the disease of Infertility for over 6 years, I have heard a lot!  I wasn't so vocal about my disease in the beginning and am still working it into my daily life. Since adopting our daughter, Ellie, it has become much easier to talk about it.  I feel most comfortable discussing my journey here, on the internet, with you. I know that's pretty silly, right? I can sit here and share my feelings, thoughts, and emotions with the world (okay lets be real, with like the 10 committed readers I have) but have such a hard time actually talking about it.  I am not embarrassed of my disease by any means, it's just that I like to be a "strong" person.  But in reality, I am learning that hiding my emotions actually isn't a very "strong" character trait rather its the opposite.  It's cowardly. Then again I have my reasons, sometimes people are just Assholes and say the most unkind things and frankly I am tired of hearing them!! 



So today I thought I would help y'all out so that you don't come off like an Asshole to one of your friends or co-workers.  Because in actuality 1 in 8 couples suffer from Infertility and the odds are you are pretty close but they are suffering silently.  

Here are 5 things to NOT say:

1.  Don't tell them to relax. These comments actually cause more stress to the couple.

2. Don't tell them to "Stop trying, then if will happen". This is incredibly messed up because if you stop having sex then you are not going to be able to make a baby.

3.  Don't complain about your pregnancy.  Well you can, just not to them.  For the Infertile sometimes just being around a pregnant lady is a battle, watching your belly grow is a constant reminder of what they are unable to achieve.

4. Don't tell them about a friends success story with Infertility.  This does the opposite of what you are trying to achieve.  Each couples Infertility is unique and just because one thing worked for one couple doesn't mean that it will work for another.  And maybe they have already gone down that road without success.  It just reminds the Infertile that THEY are unable to conceive.

5.  Don't ask why they are not trying IVF.  Infertility treatments are expensive and most insurance companies do not cover these treatments. So all expenses are paid out of pocket by the couple.  Not to mention that not all IVF cycles are successful.

And because we are human and want to help and be of comfort I will give you these 5 things TO say to your dear friends:

1. Do your research.  Read up on Infertility and if you are aware of their diagnosis then learn about that too.  This is so helpful as they won't have to feel like they need to educate you before you can have a conversation.

2. Act interested.  Each Infertility journey is unique.  For some it is easy to open up about their struggles whereas others find it more difficult.  If they are willing to open up to you then be present in the conversation.

3. Remember them on Mother's Day and Father's Day.  While these holidays focus on those who are already parents they can be difficult reminders to those who cannot be parents.   Remember them on these days, they will appreciate knowing you haven't forgotten.

4. Tell them about your pregnancy.  Just do this in a way that allows them to handle their initial reaction privately.  They are so happy for you, but often times are disappointed for themselves.

5. Remember them throughout the year.  Since there are no physical signs of Infertility (aside from a non-pregnant belly) remembering that your friend is struggling throughout the year and reaching out to them is a huge encouragement.  It helps them feel not so alone in their battle and that they're not forgotten.

Here's to not being an Asshole and actually accomplishing the comfort you're intending to give!!

Speaking of giving.  Thomas and I are in the process of beginning the adoption process again!! We are so excited to bring a new little bundle of joy home to our family, but we can't do it without you!!  Not only are Infertility treatments expensive but Adoption Costs are too! Before we can start the process we are hoping to raise $2,500.  About $1,000 will go toward updating our HomeStudy, which is a requirement for adoptions and the remaining $1,500 will go towards our re-enrollment Agency fees.  We have already raised $300 and anything helps.  To donate you can go to our GoFundMe page and we would also greatly appreciate you sharing our page via Facebook, Twitter, etc.  



We are also going to be having a garage sale this Spring/Summer so I am cleaning out my closet, Ellie's closet as well as some home items.  I want to offer them up here on the blog first.  So be on the lookout for a Shop the Farm post in the near future!!  All proceeds will go into our Adoption Fund!

In case you missed it:
Sunday I shared my Infertility Story
Monday I shared FAQs on Infertility
Tuesday Thomas shared his Infertility Story and Ellie's 23 monthdate
Wednesday common Acronyms of Infertility
Thursday Infertility around the World

♥ Ashley

linking up here

48 comments:

  1. It took me a year to conceive my little guy, and although I can't imagine what you have gone through, that year gave me a small glimpse into the reality of infertility. And all of your things not to say are so true! I know people are trying to help, but when they told me to relax and if we stopped trying it would happen it drove me nuts! Like once you are trying to have a baby you don't just stop!

    Thanks for being so open about your journey. I think it is probably helping tons of people and it helped me a ton when I was trying to conceive!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. nice write up! I suffered from HIV, I was almost down with AIDS, I sought help from DR Jose Alessio, with his drugs, prayers and instructions I was treated and now i am free!pray to God and follow the instructions of Dr Jose, he has the perfect solutions for the following ailments,HSV, HERPES, GENITAL WARTS, HIV 1 snd 2, STAPHYLOCOCCUS, HPV, CHLAMYDIA, GONORRHEA, TRICHOMONIASIS, HEPATITIS, CHANCROID, LYMPHOGRANULOM VENERUM OR LGV, MOLLUSCUM AND CONTAGIOSUM.He is such a genius dealing with STDs and infertility issues, you can write to him on joseherbals28@gmail.com He will surely be able to help you

      Delete
    2. Thankes to Dr OSAZE, who cured me of fallopian tube blockage and fibroid. i married for over eight years wthout a child of my own. because of the problem with my fallopian tubbe and fibroid, until i came in conntact with Dr OSAZE's testimony and recommendations online, on how he has cured and healed so many people of the same illment, and i decided to contact him, and he administered his medicatons on me, and i became pregnant in two monnths. incasse you wannt to reach him for a similar problem, you can call or whatsap him on +2347089275769 or email: DROSAZEHERBAL@GMAIL.COM

      Delete
  2. What a great and honest post. While this isn't something that I have personally been through, I have friends that have gone through / are going through it and it's never easy to watch so I can't even imagine how it must be to go through. I love that you're open and honest about your experiences. I've always said that if I can connect and help one person to not feel like they're alone through my blog then I've done what I set out to do.

    ReplyDelete
  3. This was a great read and I feel better prepared to talk to those going through the battle of infertility. Congrats on starting the adoption process again!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I have a few friends who have struggled with infertility, and I appreciate their openness in sharing their stories. Thank you for providing these guidelines on how to be a supportive friend.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thank you for this post, and for being open and honest! And congrats on diving in to the adoption process again!! Hope you had a wonderful weekend, and thanks for linking up again at H54F!

    Katie @ Cup of Tea

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thanks so much for sharing this! Some of my dearest friends and family have experienced infertility. I'm proud of you for sharing your heart and being so open!

    ReplyDelete
  7. THANK YOU for this great post....it's so hard to know what to say (and not to say) in so many situations, so hearing it from someone IN that situation is always a blessing. Continued prayers for you, friend! xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  8. Yes yes! All great points! Thanks for sharing!!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Great information...Your post the very informative i have learned some information about your blog thank you for Sharing the great information.....IVF Centre in Delhi

    ReplyDelete
  10. If you are looking for the best IVF centre in India then you can visit our centre. We are here to provide the healthy pregnancy to all the infertile couples.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Here priestEka we are here to make your dream of pregnancy and other related human diseases over in your life have a happy home. Wespecialise in helping people with their problems such as.
    1 bringing back your lost .
    2 spell to improve your businesses.
    3 spell to bring back your ex-lover( bring back your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend)
    4 spell for business protection from colleague.
    5 spell to prevent witchcraft from your life and that of your family.
    6 spell to prevent you from accident during your business journey.
    7. spell to get employment easily
    We also specialise in providing solutions in any of this spiritual gynaecology diseases affect human existence such as:
    1 fibroid, asthma, ALL STD,
    2 weakness of man organ
    3 infections of all kind (yeast infection)
    4 blockage from the fallopian tube
    5 cyst. From the ovaries
    6 unpleasant smell from the virgina
    7 irregular menstration, menopause
    8 infertility for easy Conception.
    9.skin diseases, Toilet infection and bad body odor…….Etc..
    10.Watering sperm (low sperm count) not able to get woman pregnant.
    Simply contact the spiritualist PriestEka on (dreka14demons@gmail.com) to get his Herbal Medication to cure your disease and put yourself on a motherhood side of life..
    (No more adoption, with PriestEka your problem will solve and you will have your child with ease.
    Contact us at (dreka14demons@gmail.com) your solution home!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Indeed a great post about the true facts of life. Reading fertility books can be a useful way to maintain mental peace.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I want to use this means to let the world know that all hope is not lost Getting pregnant after having tubes clamped and burned, I know IVF and Reversal could help but it way too cost, i couldn't afford it either and i so desire to add another baby to my family been trying for 5 years, not until i came across Dr.AGBAZARA, who cast a pregnancy/Fertility spell for me and i got pregnant.l hope that women out there who are going through the same fears and worries l went through in GETTING PREGNANT , will find your contact and be happy like me as i drop it here on this site, and solution will come to them as they contact you. Thank you and God bless you to reach him email via: ( agbazara@gmail.com )

    ReplyDelete
  14. Very useful blog that you ave shared about infertility problems. It was very useful to me. Keep sharing. thanks.
    fertility ivf  in chennai

    ReplyDelete
  15. "Dear dr williams, your herb has saved my life and my sanity. I was scared, and had been seeing numerous specialists and almost all of the straight away told me I had to remove my uterus because of my large fibroid. Can you believe this? To top it all up, none of those doctors had answered my simple questions on the subject. I was so scared that I would not be able to have a baby as surgery seemed like the only choice then. Your product had dramatically allayed my fears. I have read many other guides on the subject of fibroids and i think dr williams herb is yours offers and the only true and lasting solution to fibroid. I am a walking living proof of that claim. It has been 3 months since I implemented dr williams herbal portion, and I am now completely clear of fibroids and I am sure I am on my way to become a mother. I also feel very healthy and vibrant. Thank god for your work and support dr williams, for more information about his herb you can also contact his email address drwilliams098675@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  16. After 7 years trying to conceive I finally got pregnant 4 weeks after I stumbled by sheer accident upon this natural way ( http://tinyurl.com/y7auhzo5). It was simply amazing. I had history of recurrent miscarriages and was also diagnosed with genetic problems but using Priest Aluta Spell I got pregnant naturally. If you are looking for help on getting pregnant due to fertility problems or a help for your husband to love you forever. Contact Priest Aluta today for all kinds of spell. let me tell you how Priest Aluta help me with a pregnancy spell (I have 2 children now and my husband is ready to spend the rest of his life with me because of the love spell Priest Aluta cast for me). I really never believed this will work. God is so wonderful. I was having problems conceiving due to certain issues that I will keep private, but after doing online research I saw people shearing testimony about how to got there ex back and got pregnant with fibroid. If you are thinking of using his services don't wait. Just get in touch as he has provided an excellent service contact his Email: (voodoosputuralspell @ gmail. com) or visit his website http://tinyurl.com/y7auhzo5

    ReplyDelete
  17. "With Dr Williams,herbal medicine I felt very empowered after I started his medication and the results came very quickly I might add. Contrary to what my doctor had recommended, (that I would have my uterus removed) I have succeeded in less than 4 weeks to treat all the symptoms associated with my fibroids (including the pain, bleeding and bladder pressure) and within 4 weeks, my huge 8.2cm & 8.5cm fibroids had shrunk into almost nothing. Thank you so much for this terrific publication. I also recently experienced a symptom-free menstruation, which was nothing short of remarkable, considering the awful state I was in before I was introduced to dr williams life changing medication,for more information on how to get his medicine you can email him in drwilliam098675@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  18. Hello...!

    Nice post...
    Thanks for Sharing Your Experience there are many pills to improve male infertility treatment. And your blog is very helpful for those people suffer this problem.

    ReplyDelete
  19. After spending some time on your blog i thought i utilized my time in a correct way by reading coprrect blog.I appreciate your work.
    infertility

    ReplyDelete
  20. Thanks for sharing these informative information.fertility pills for women

    ReplyDelete
  21. Hey, thanks for sharing. It is a sensitive topic to talk about with someone who are struggling to conceive. Though there are many
    best infertility specialist , best gynecologist and IUI treatment are available that can help. Of course, success is not sure, but with proper treatment from a specialist doctor a good chance of success can be estimated

    ReplyDelete
  22. Hello, i am Alice from texas . i am actually here not for unreasonable matters but for serious issues. i was pronounced barren for 12 years and i was about losing my husband ,life was getting tight and unbarable for me. I cried to my friend and she told me about DR .OSAGIE , i thought it was all jokes but she also told me that the Doctor is very powerful and calm, all i did was doubt but the situation got worse and my husband almost threw me out of the house then i contacted DR. OSAGIE and i explained my infertility problem to him and he told me all will be fine . we discussed and i was able to get his medicine which he sent to me , i took the meds and after three weeks of taking the herbs i was feeling weak and unstable, i told him all that was happening to my body and he asked me to go for a pregnancy test , i did as he instructed and behold i was 8 days pregnant . i thought it was a dream but it was a dream come true, my friends were also surprised as well. today i have three kids because DR. OSAGIE helped me and he is really working well for people arround the world. contact DR. OSAGIE via his Email address on DROSAGIE99@GMAIL.COM or Whatsapp him if you have the same problem +2348159036143,....i hope this info help you out there ..
    REGARDS
    ALICE AFREDITA...

    ReplyDelete
  23. Infertility treatment is now a very common problem for lots of people. We can't denied this best Infertility specialist in Gurgaon.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Thanks for sharing such a informative post with us, keep sharing IVF Center in Lucknow

    ReplyDelete
  25. Thanks for sharing informational blog.
    If you are not able to conceive a baby with regular intercourse after your marriage and want successful infertility treatment then you must visit Dr. Sumita Sofat Hospital and Consult with Dr. Sumita Sofat, Well reputed Gynaecologist in Ludhiana

    ReplyDelete
  26. FINALLY FREE FROM HERPES VIRUS
    I thought my life had nothing to offer anymore because life
    became meaningless to me because I had Herpes virus, the
    symptoms became very severe and bold and made my family
    run from and abandoned me so they won't get infected. I gave
    up everything, my hope, dreams,vision and job because the
    doctor told me there's no cure. I consumed so many drugs but
    they never cured me but hid the symptoms inside me making
    it worse. I was doing some research online someday when I
    came across testimonies of some people of how DR Ebhota
    cured them from Herpes, I never believed at first and thought
    it was a joke but later decided to contact him on the details
    provided and when I messaged him we talked and he sent me
    his herbal medicine and told me to go for a test after two
    weeks. Within 7 days of medication the symptoms
    disappeared and when I went for a test Lo and behold I was
    NEGATIVE by the Doctor Who tested me earlier. Thank you DR
    Ebhota because I forever owe you my life and I'll keep on
    telling the world about you. If you are going through same
    situation worry no more and contact DR Ebhota via
    drebhotasolution@gmail. com or WhatsApp him via +2348089535482.
    he also special on cureing 1. HIV/AIDS2. HERPES 3. CANCER 4.
    ALS 5. HEPATITIS B 6.DIABETES 7. HUMAN PAPILOMA VIRUS DISEASE(HPV)8. 
    ALZHEIMER 9. LUPUS (Lupus Vulgaris or LupusErythematosus 

    ReplyDelete
  27. I was married at 32 and immediately tried to get pregnant. When I was unable to conceive I had blood tests for fertility and was told that I had an FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) of 54 and would not be able to have children. Even though the doctors knew that I had been diagnosed with Hashimoto’s thyroiditis since age 25, no one bothered to check my thyroid levels. my TSH was measured at .001. My Synthroid dosage was lowered. a friend advise me to contact a spiritualist who help with fertility with his medicine, i collected his contact and explain my situation to him he prepared for me a herbal medicine which i took as describe by him. became pregnant very quickly, I had a successful pregnancy. I have my baby august 2017. to get pregnant at age 35 with my 2nd child in september 2019, thank you sir , this is his email contact if you require his help babaka.wolf@gmail.com or Facebook at priest.babaka
































    I was married at 32 and immediately tried to get pregnant. When I was unable to conceive I had blood tests for fertility and was told that I had an FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) of 54 and would not be able to have children. Even though the doctors knew that I had been diagnosed with Hashimoto’s thyroiditis since age 25, no one bothered to check my thyroid levels. my TSH was measured at .001. My Synthroid dosage was lowered. a friend advise me to contact a spiritualist who help with fertility with his medicine, i collected his contact and explain my situation to him he prepared for me a herbal medicine which i took as describe by him. became pregnant very quickly, I had a successful pregnancy. I have my baby august 2017. to get pregnant at age 35 with my 2nd child in september 2019, thank you sir , this is his email contact if you require his help babaka.wolf@gmail.com or Facebook at priest.babaka

    ReplyDelete
  28. thanks to Dr oriane, who cured me of Fallopian tube blockage and fibroid. i married for over 5 years without a child of my own. because of the problem with my Fallopian tube and fibroid, until i came in contact with Dr oriane testimony and recommendations online, on how he has cured and healed so many people of the same problem and i decided to contact him,and explain my situation to him,few days later he sent me some herbal portion which i took for 31 days, and i became pregnant after taking dr oriane herbal medicine in three months time. in case you want to reach him for a similar problem, you can contact him on his email: droriane6@gmail.com for advice and for his product

    ReplyDelete
  29. thanks to Dr oriane, who cured me of Fallopian tube blockage and fibroid. i married for over 5 years without a child of my own. because of the problem with my Fallopian tube and fibroid, until i came in contact with Dr oriane testimony and recommendations online, on how he has cured and healed so many people of the same problem and i decided to contact him,and explain my situation to him,few days later he sent me some herbal portion which i took for 31 days, and i became pregnant after taking dr oriane herbal medicine in three months time. in case you want to reach him for a similar problem, you can contact him on his email: droriane6@gmail.com for advice and for his product

    ReplyDelete
  30. Happiness is all i see now I never thought that I will be cured from HERPES virus again. I have been suffering from a deadly disease (HERPES) for the past 3 years now, I had spent a lot of money going from one places to another, from churches to churches, hospitals have been my home every day residence. Constant checks up have been my hobby not until this faithful day, I was searching through the internet, I saw a testimony on how DR agaba helped someone in curing his HERPES disease, quickly I copied his email which is Dragabasolutionhome@gmail.com just to give him a test I spoke to him, he asked me to do some certain things which I did, he told me that he is going to provide the herbal cure to me, which he did, then he asked me to go for medical checkup after some days after using the herbal cure, behold I was free from the deadly disease, he only asked me to post the testimony through the whole world, faithfully am doing it now, please brothers and sisters, he is great, I owe him in return. if you are having a similar problem just email him on : Dragabasolutionhome@gmail.com or WhatApp: +2349074536486  

    ReplyDelete
  31. I was very pleased to find this site. I wanted to thank you for this great read!! I definitely enjoying every little bit of it. Excellent work! Best Ivf Doctors In India

    ReplyDelete
  32. HOW I CURED FROM THE HERPES VIRUS
     I was diagnosed with the HERPES virus and I have tried everything possible to cure myself, but all to no avail, until I saw a post in a health forum about a herbalist preparing herbal medicines to cure all kinds  of diseases including HERPES virus, at first I doubted it was real, but decided to give it a try, when I contacted this herbalist through his email (ishiakuherbalcure@gmail.com) and he prepared me a HERPES herbal cure and sent it to me through the service of  DHL delivery company, when I received this herbal medicine, he gave me step-by-step instructions on how to apply it, after applying it the way they directed me, I was totally cured of this deadly disease called HERPES, all thanks  to Dr. Ishiaku, contact the great herbal doctor through his what-sapp Via  +2348180828544
    HE  CAN ALSO CURE DISEASES LIKE   
     {1} HIV / AIDS  
     {2} DIABETES  
     {3} EPILEPSY   
     {4} BLOOD CANCER   
     {5} HPV  
     {6} ALS   
     {7} HEPATITIS B
     {8} LOVE SPELL 
     {9} SICKLE AND ANEMIA {10}INFERTILITY^Beware of fake doctors and anyone who uses this testimonial again is a scam Only Dr. Ishiaku  can help you
    IG: @dr_ishiaku

    ReplyDelete
  33. Nice Article. Thank you very much for sharing. For more information, visit Chennai Fertility Centre

    ReplyDelete
  34. Thanks for sharing the post.our blog provided us with valuable information. Genesis IVF Advanced Fertility Centre, A Name you can trust for IVF, IUI, ICSI and Endometriosis Treatment.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Thanks for sharing the blog. Hegde Fertility is the best fertility centre in Hyderabad. Hegde fertility offers IUI,IVF, ICSI and surrogacy services. To know more details visit Best Fertility centre in hyderabad

    ReplyDelete
  36. If you are looking for the Best IVF Centre in Bihar then you can visit our center. We are here to provide the healthy pregnancy to all the infertile couples, with safe process and fully well treatment.

    ReplyDelete
  37. thanks a lot for sharing this blog about a beautiful life with kids, read more about Best IVF Results in Punjab

    ReplyDelete
  38. Thanks for sharing the result, now see verified result from Best IVF Centre in Punjab

    ReplyDelete
  39. SAFE ABORTION CLINIC IN Dubai – WOMENS CLINIC IN Dubai
    The Choice on Termination of Pregnancy Act gives all women the right to have an abortion (termination of pregnancy. Terminating your pregnancy (abortion) in Dubai is your legal right. women's clinic Dubai Dubai women’s clinic offers safe abortions for unwanted pregnancies up to 24 weeks.

    Dubai women’s clinic provides a range of services and treatments to pregnant women, including safe, legal abortion pills. Visit our abortion clinic today.

    Dubai Women Clinic is an abortion clinic performing first, second, and late term abortions. Also offering abortion pill, the morning after pill, day after pill. Our mission will always be to provide all women and their families with the highest quality abortion care available at the lowest possible cost.

    Our mission is to provide quality women’s healthcare in a warm and nurturing environment. Our team includes a medical doctor, nurse practitioners, a triage nurse, an aesthetics team and various medical assistants and administrative support staff.

    Convenient free parking is available in the back of our building, off New Street. We accept only cash but we hope to introduce medical aid in the future. We look forward to serving you for all your women’s health needs but we offer delivery of abortion pills, place your order online or just a call away. Explore our services, and please feel free to call or e-mail us with your questions.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Thanks for sharing such a blog. If you are looking for the best IVF Clinic in Lucknow look no further than Valencia IVF.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Thanks for sharing informative artice related to IVF. Visit Website for Infertility centre in Lucknow.

    ReplyDelete

I love reading your comments! They make my day! Make sure that your email is linked to your profile so I can email you back!

♥ Ashley