Confessional

I am totally an open book but I don't like to share things about my life. I know it's weird because I'm a blogger and my life is the topic pf this blog, but its true. I mean I share it eventually to someone or all of you. But it takes me a while. And it takes a lot of prying. 

Don't get me wrong here, I share about the good in my life but struggle with the trials. Maybe it was the way I was raised but I am one tough cookie. Unless its broken then you shouldn't cry about the pain nor is it an excuse to not do your job. That is how I am. 

I know that others are not like me. They are more sensitive to these things or at least handle them differently. It's kinda like when parents make a big deal when their kid "hurts" them-self it teaches the kid to over react at a paper cut. 

I know I have a high pain tolerance and that was made clear to me when I experienced my first ectopic pregnancy and Fallopian tube rupture. The pain (both physical and emotional) was intense, the worst I had ever experienced. So bad I was puking. But I still went to work and pushed through it. It wasn't until I fainted that I decided to go to the doctor/hospital. Or when I work through my migraines. While they aren't   my favorite I can still do my job. I don't find them an excuse to take a sick day or go home early.  But that's me and I try to not complain to others about it. 

I don't like complaining in general. I don't like to complain because I don't like sympathy or rather I don't like pity. I feel that some people thrive on that. I can't stand it. I can take care of myself and don't like to burden others with some of the things I go through in my life. Though I want to be comforted. God comforts me and gives me peace but sometimes a hug really helps, whether the individual knows it or not that greeting hug you gave me made my day!

But the weird thing is I want to know when others are hurting so I can try to comfort them. I like to be the listener and the shoulder to cry on. But I don't like to be that vulnerable or weak. That's what it really is. I don't want people to think or see me being weak. But I want them to know I am hurting. So I can get the comfort but I don't want the pity. It's a vicious cycle. And I am stuck in the middle of it. 

My trouble is I don't know how to tell people when I am hurting. What is the right timing? Do I have to look forlorn for them to ask me how I'm doing? Or do I just come out and say it at the greeting? Then if I do tell them are they going to think about it every time they see me or talk to me?  I want people to be able to pray for me in my times of need but it is so hard for me to share with them that I need the prayer. 

What about you? How do you share your hurt with others? Are you afraid of seeming weak or receiving pity?

-Ashley