Not So Wordless Wednesday....

I think its pretty difficult for me to do a Wordless Wednesday post because I always have so much to say.  I have a hard time editing down and keeping my posts not too wordy. (same goes for my life - I blame Princess Ariel for my hoarding like tendencies...my collection isn't complete - I want more!!!) 

Navigating this whole Infertility journey is probably the most difficult thing I have ever endured in my life.  This month marks 6 years officially of TTC/Infertility that means that I have had over 65 negative pregnancy tests and that in itself takes a toll on just about anyone whose hearts desire is to bear children. 

I digress, about a month ago I decided to get myself a library card.  Mainly so that I could check out some movies that I just wasn't seeing on tv: Mary Poppins and Beauty and the Beast.  I haven't had a library card in who knows how long, if ever!  Not only do library's have dvds, but they also have books (surprise, surprise!)  Anywhoo, last week I decided to see what reading material was available at our library on the topic of Infertility.  The first one on the list of available books was this, y'all I am only about 90 pages in and have basically cried while reading every single page because it feels like the author is speaking directly to me and knows all of my thoughts and emotions that I can't even put into words!!  

One thing Dr. Domar continues to emphasize on the pages is to focus on the present and find enjoyment in what you already have in life.  Let me tell you that this is no easy task for the infertile mind...I am planning a DITL post for the Infertile Brain.  So I have been trying to be more mindful and to get more joy out of my life.

Ellie, is such a light in my life.  I don't even know how to accurately describe what she means to me.  I know that without her my struggle would be even worse, the depression even worse.

Not only is she a joy to raise but to see her out in my element (the farm) just encompasses all I had hoped for what being a Mama and having a daughter would be like.

I usually have her in pants and a t-shirt, but and trying to be more mindful in getting her in dresses.  I don't wear dresses (or skirts) very often so its not natural for me to put Ellie in them.  I don't want to deny her the fun of dressing like a girl and my heart just melts when I see her in more "romantic" type clothes.

Seeing her sweet little personality (with the occasional tantrum) grow and develop is one of the biggest blessings for a Mama. 

and for some reason this happens to be one of her favorite places in our yard.  Two points about this photo, the white top she is wearing my dad picked out for her when he was in Greece the day after she was born (he picked it out all by himself and is one of my favorite pieces for her) and that pig belonged to my Mama...oh how sentimental I have become....

that face! I am so thankful to God everyday that he has blessed us with Ellie through adoption, we truly lucked out with this one and all I want to do with her all day is hold her and squeeze her which she isn't too thrilled about (unless I'm cooking in the kitchen, then she is all about her Mama, and I am all about my personal space....anyone else?)

♥ Ashley

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