Thursday, October 10, 2013


I am totally an open book but I don't like to share things about my life. I know it's weird because I'm a blogger and my life is the topic pf this blog, but its true. I mean I share it eventually to someone or all of you. But it takes me a while. And it takes a lot of prying. 

Don't get me wrong here, I share about the good in my life but struggle with the trials. Maybe it was the way I was raised but I am one tough cookie. Unless its broken then you shouldn't cry about the pain nor is it an excuse to not do your job. That is how I am. 

I know that others are not like me. They are more sensitive to these things or at least handle them differently. It's kinda like when parents make a big deal when their kid "hurts" them-self it teaches the kid to over react at a paper cut. 

I know I have a high pain tolerance and that was made clear to me when I experienced my first ectopic pregnancy and Fallopian tube rupture. The pain (both physical and emotional) was intense, the worst I had ever experienced. So bad I was puking. But I still went to work and pushed through it. It wasn't until I fainted that I decided to go to the doctor/hospital. Or when I work through my migraines. While they aren't   my favorite I can still do my job. I don't find them an excuse to take a sick day or go home early.  But that's me and I try to not complain to others about it. 

I don't like complaining in general. I don't like to complain because I don't like sympathy or rather I don't like pity. I feel that some people thrive on that. I can't stand it. I can take care of myself and don't like to burden others with some of the things I go through in my life. Though I want to be comforted. God comforts me and gives me peace but sometimes a hug really helps, whether the individual knows it or not that greeting hug you gave me made my day!

But the weird thing is I want to know when others are hurting so I can try to comfort them. I like to be the listener and the shoulder to cry on. But I don't like to be that vulnerable or weak. That's what it really is. I don't want people to think or see me being weak. But I want them to know I am hurting. So I can get the comfort but I don't want the pity. It's a vicious cycle. And I am stuck in the middle of it. 

My trouble is I don't know how to tell people when I am hurting. What is the right timing? Do I have to look forlorn for them to ask me how I'm doing? Or do I just come out and say it at the greeting? Then if I do tell them are they going to think about it every time they see me or talk to me?  I want people to be able to pray for me in my times of need but it is so hard for me to share with them that I need the prayer. 

What about you? How do you share your hurt with others? Are you afraid of seeming weak or receiving pity?



  1. wow. you are in my head or something. I feel you completely! I think you have just built a tough shell:)I wish I was better at asking for prayer too but I feel like it's awkward to be vulnerable. Anyway, I'm just going to pray for you in general because He knows your life. Miss you so much friend or sister as most people think;)

  2. I pretty much clam it all up until I have a giant emotional outburst over something tiny and then burst into tears for a good hour or so.


I love reading your comments! They make my day! Make sure that your email is linked to your profile so I can email you back!

♥ Ashley