Friday, April 24, 2015

Infertility: What to (NOT) Say

As someone who has been suffering from the disease of Infertility for over 6 years, I have heard a lot!  I wasn't so vocal about my disease in the beginning and am still working it into my daily life. Since adopting our daughter, Ellie, it has become much easier to talk about it.  I feel most comfortable discussing my journey here, on the internet, with you. I know that's pretty silly, right? I can sit here and share my feelings, thoughts, and emotions with the world (okay lets be real, with like the 10 committed readers I have) but have such a hard time actually talking about it.  I am not embarrassed of my disease by any means, it's just that I like to be a "strong" person.  But in reality, I am learning that hiding my emotions actually isn't a very "strong" character trait rather its the opposite.  It's cowardly. Then again I have my reasons, sometimes people are just Assholes and say the most unkind things and frankly I am tired of hearing them!! 



So today I thought I would help y'all out so that you don't come off like an Asshole to one of your friends or co-workers.  Because in actuality 1 in 8 couples suffer from Infertility and the odds are you are pretty close but they are suffering silently.  

Here are 5 things to NOT say:

1.  Don't tell them to relax. These comments actually cause more stress to the couple.

2. Don't tell them to "Stop trying, then if will happen". This is incredibly messed up because if you stop having sex then you are not going to be able to make a baby.

3.  Don't complain about your pregnancy.  Well you can, just not to them.  For the Infertile sometimes just being around a pregnant lady is a battle, watching your belly grow is a constant reminder of what they are unable to achieve.

4. Don't tell them about a friends success story with Infertility.  This does the opposite of what you are trying to achieve.  Each couples Infertility is unique and just because one thing worked for one couple doesn't mean that it will work for another.  And maybe they have already gone down that road without success.  It just reminds the Infertile that THEY are unable to conceive.

5.  Don't ask why they are not trying IVF.  Infertility treatments are expensive and most insurance companies do not cover these treatments. So all expenses are paid out of pocket by the couple.  Not to mention that not all IVF cycles are successful.

And because we are human and want to help and be of comfort I will give you these 5 things TO say to your dear friends:

1. Do your research.  Read up on Infertility and if you are aware of their diagnosis then learn about that too.  This is so helpful as they won't have to feel like they need to educate you before you can have a conversation.

2. Act interested.  Each Infertility journey is unique.  For some it is easy to open up about their struggles whereas others find it more difficult.  If they are willing to open up to you then be present in the conversation.

3. Remember them on Mother's Day and Father's Day.  While these holidays focus on those who are already parents they can be difficult reminders to those who cannot be parents.   Remember them on these days, they will appreciate knowing you haven't forgotten.

4. Tell them about your pregnancy.  Just do this in a way that allows them to handle their initial reaction privately.  They are so happy for you, but often times are disappointed for themselves.

5. Remember them throughout the year.  Since there are no physical signs of Infertility (aside from a non-pregnant belly) remembering that your friend is struggling throughout the year and reaching out to them is a huge encouragement.  It helps them feel not so alone in their battle and that they're not forgotten.

Here's to not being an Asshole and actually accomplishing the comfort you're intending to give!!

Speaking of giving.  Thomas and I are in the process of beginning the adoption process again!! We are so excited to bring a new little bundle of joy home to our family, but we can't do it without you!!  Not only are Infertility treatments expensive but Adoption Costs are too! Before we can start the process we are hoping to raise $2,500.  About $1,000 will go toward updating our HomeStudy, which is a requirement for adoptions and the remaining $1,500 will go towards our re-enrollment Agency fees.  We have already raised $300 and anything helps.  To donate you can go to our GoFundMe page and we would also greatly appreciate you sharing our page via Facebook, Twitter, etc.  



We are also going to be having a garage sale this Spring/Summer so I am cleaning out my closet, Ellie's closet as well as some home items.  I want to offer them up here on the blog first.  So be on the lookout for a Shop the Farm post in the near future!!  All proceeds will go into our Adoption Fund!

In case you missed it:
Sunday I shared my Infertility Story
Monday I shared FAQs on Infertility
Tuesday Thomas shared his Infertility Story and Ellie's 23 monthdate
Wednesday common Acronyms of Infertility
Thursday Infertility around the World

♥ Ashley

linking up here

48 comments:

  1. It took me a year to conceive my little guy, and although I can't imagine what you have gone through, that year gave me a small glimpse into the reality of infertility. And all of your things not to say are so true! I know people are trying to help, but when they told me to relax and if we stopped trying it would happen it drove me nuts! Like once you are trying to have a baby you don't just stop!

    Thanks for being so open about your journey. I think it is probably helping tons of people and it helped me a ton when I was trying to conceive!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The video presentation shows you some unique and rare tips on how to reverse almost any type of infertility disorder and get pregnant naturally in just 60 short days even if you're on your late 30's or 40's.

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    2. nice write up! I suffered from HIV, I was almost down with AIDS, I sought help from DR Jose Alessio, with his drugs, prayers and instructions I was treated and now i am free!pray to God and follow the instructions of Dr Jose, he has the perfect solutions for the following ailments,HSV, HERPES, GENITAL WARTS, HIV 1 snd 2, STAPHYLOCOCCUS, HPV, CHLAMYDIA, GONORRHEA, TRICHOMONIASIS, HEPATITIS, CHANCROID, LYMPHOGRANULOM VENERUM OR LGV, MOLLUSCUM AND CONTAGIOSUM.He is such a genius dealing with STDs and infertility issues, you can write to him on joseherbals28@gmail.com He will surely be able to help you

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    3. When you’re used to the bottom falling out, it’s impossible to relax. But I managed to cure my infertility and get pregnant with this method => http://infertilityinwomen.com
      I was in a state of panic for my entire pregnancy. I was envious of other women who got pregnant easily or would say things like, “We are trying for a June baby because that’s when my vacation time is.” What kind of magical world is fertility?! And yet when I was in a waiting room at my OB’s office, I was just another pregnant lady. No one had any idea how long it took for me to get there.

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  2. What a great and honest post. While this isn't something that I have personally been through, I have friends that have gone through / are going through it and it's never easy to watch so I can't even imagine how it must be to go through. I love that you're open and honest about your experiences. I've always said that if I can connect and help one person to not feel like they're alone through my blog then I've done what I set out to do.

    ReplyDelete
  3. This was a great read and I feel better prepared to talk to those going through the battle of infertility. Congrats on starting the adoption process again!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I have a few friends who have struggled with infertility, and I appreciate their openness in sharing their stories. Thank you for providing these guidelines on how to be a supportive friend.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thank you for this post, and for being open and honest! And congrats on diving in to the adoption process again!! Hope you had a wonderful weekend, and thanks for linking up again at H54F!

    Katie @ Cup of Tea

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thanks so much for sharing this! Some of my dearest friends and family have experienced infertility. I'm proud of you for sharing your heart and being so open!

    ReplyDelete
  7. THANK YOU for this great post....it's so hard to know what to say (and not to say) in so many situations, so hearing it from someone IN that situation is always a blessing. Continued prayers for you, friend! xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  8. Yes yes! All great points! Thanks for sharing!!!

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
  11. With the help of a man called Dr.Addo I was able to get pregnant though his root and herbs. I'm 47years of age, it was really difficult for me to pregnant though my husband loves me but it was really hurting me not having my own child but after many years I came across Dr.Addo whose email address is ( addosolution@gmail.com ) he gave me Root and herbs and I was pregnant a week after i his help. I'm 7months pregnant now and also I will like to advice everyone looking for help to get pregnant to contact this very man via his email address: ( addosolution@gmail.com )

    from CANADA

    ReplyDelete
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  13. I GIVE ALL THANKS TO DR WILLIAMS WITH HIS HERBAL PORTION I WAS COMPLETELY CURED FROM FIBROID
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    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
  15. Indeed a great post about the true facts of life. Reading fertility books can be a useful way to maintain mental peace.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I want to use this means to let the world know that all hope is not lost Getting pregnant after having tubes clamped and burned, I know IVF and Reversal could help but it way too cost, i couldn't afford it either and i so desire to add another baby to my family been trying for 5 years, not until i came across Dr.AGBAZARA, who cast a pregnancy/Fertility spell for me and i got pregnant.l hope that women out there who are going through the same fears and worries l went through in GETTING PREGNANT , will find your contact and be happy like me as i drop it here on this site, and solution will come to them as they contact you. Thank you and God bless you to reach him email via: ( agbazara@gmail.com )

    ReplyDelete
  17. Very useful blog that you ave shared about infertility problems. It was very useful to me. Keep sharing. thanks.
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    ReplyDelete
  18. "Dear dr williams, your herb has saved my life and my sanity. I was scared, and had been seeing numerous specialists and almost all of the straight away told me I had to remove my uterus because of my large fibroid. Can you believe this? To top it all up, none of those doctors had answered my simple questions on the subject. I was so scared that I would not be able to have a baby as surgery seemed like the only choice then. Your product had dramatically allayed my fears. I have read many other guides on the subject of fibroids and i think dr williams herb is yours offers and the only true and lasting solution to fibroid. I am a walking living proof of that claim. It has been 3 months since I implemented dr williams herbal portion, and I am now completely clear of fibroids and I am sure I am on my way to become a mother. I also feel very healthy and vibrant. Thank god for your work and support dr williams, for more information about his herb you can also contact his email address drwilliams098675@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  19. After 7 years trying to conceive I finally got pregnant 4 weeks after I stumbled by sheer accident upon this natural way ( http://tinyurl.com/y7auhzo5). It was simply amazing. I had history of recurrent miscarriages and was also diagnosed with genetic problems but using Priest Aluta Spell I got pregnant naturally. If you are looking for help on getting pregnant due to fertility problems or a help for your husband to love you forever. Contact Priest Aluta today for all kinds of spell. let me tell you how Priest Aluta help me with a pregnancy spell (I have 2 children now and my husband is ready to spend the rest of his life with me because of the love spell Priest Aluta cast for me). I really never believed this will work. God is so wonderful. I was having problems conceiving due to certain issues that I will keep private, but after doing online research I saw people shearing testimony about how to got there ex back and got pregnant with fibroid. If you are thinking of using his services don't wait. Just get in touch as he has provided an excellent service contact his Email: (voodoosputuralspell @ gmail. com) or visit his website http://tinyurl.com/y7auhzo5

    ReplyDelete
  20. Do you know Rana IVF Center in India is the largest cand most trusted Hospital for Single or Multiple IVF Cycle in Low Cost.
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    ReplyDelete
  21. Infertility in medicinal terms stands for the failure to get a medical pregnancy even after 12 months of regular unprotected intercourse. Natural infertility treatment work naturally with your body, and target the biggest symptom of infertility – an inability to have voluminous, high quality semen. Read More http://babycapsule.in/

    ReplyDelete
  22. "With Dr Williams,herbal medicine I felt very empowered after I started his medication and the results came very quickly I might add. Contrary to what my doctor had recommended, (that I would have my uterus removed) I have succeeded in less than 4 weeks to treat all the symptoms associated with my fibroids (including the pain, bleeding and bladder pressure) and within 4 weeks, my huge 8.2cm & 8.5cm fibroids had shrunk into almost nothing. Thank you so much for this terrific publication. I also recently experienced a symptom-free menstruation, which was nothing short of remarkable, considering the awful state I was in before I was introduced to dr williams life changing medication,for more information on how to get his medicine you can email him in drwilliam098675@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  23. Hello...!

    Nice post...
    Thanks for Sharing Your Experience there are many pills to improve male infertility treatment. And your blog is very helpful for those people suffer this problem.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Men who are facing the infertility problems they can directly make their appointment with Eva Hospital. We are the number one hospital that give you perfect male infertility treatment in India using the modern methods at very cheap cost.

    ReplyDelete
  25. With the help of a man called Dr.Ogbes I was able to get pregnant. i'm 56years of age, it was really difficult for me to pregnant though my husband loves me but it was really hurting me not having my own child but after many years I came across Dr.Ogbes whose email address is Landofanswer@hotmail.com or you reach him direct on his cell phone number +2347050270227 he told me he is going to send me a Herbs for me to drink, and will fall pregnant a week after drinking the Herbs I'm 7months pregnant now and also I will like to advice everyone looking for help to get pregnant to contact this very man via his email address at Landofanswer@hotmail.com or call him on his cell phone number +2347050270227.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Gaudium , we treat your dream as our own and work tirelessly to help you have a healthy baby to take home.Top 10 IVF Centre in India We provide the best surrogacy services and IVF treatment to infertile people at our IVF clinic.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Nice post...
    Thanks for Sharing Your Experience there are many pills to improve male infertility treatment. And your blog is very helpful for those people suffer this problem.

    ReplyDelete
  28. The best thing about your sharing and posting is that you always provide content that is helpful for both the newbie and

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    ReplyDelete
  29. My partner and I have been trying for a baby for over 11years, We were going to a fertility clinic for years before somebody told me to contact this spell caster who is so powerful called Agbazara Temple for him to help me get pregnant,And I'm glad we contacted DR.AGBAZARA, Because his pregnancy spell cast put us at ease, and I honestly believe him, and his powers really helped us as well, I am thankful for all he has done. contact him via email at: ( agbazara@gmail.com ) if you are trying to get a baby, he has powers to do it.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Your Post is Nice
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  31. The IVF Clinic in Delhi is very reasonable as compared with other countries this is the reason that every year number of people traveling to India for the IVF Clinic in Delhi is increasing rapidly.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Hi
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    ReplyDelete
  33. I want to use this means to let the world know that all hope is not lost Getting pregnant after having tubes clamped and burned, I know IVF and Reversal could help but it way too cost, i couldn't afford it either and i so desire to add another baby to my family been trying for 5 years, not until i came across Dr.AGBAZARA, who cast a pregnancy/Fertility spell for me and i got pregnant.l hope that women out there who are going through the same fears and worries l went through in GETTING PREGNANT , will find your contact and be happy like me as i drop it here on this site, and solution will come to them as they contact you. Thank you and God bless you to reach him email via: ( agbazara@gmail.com )

    ReplyDelete
  34. How I Got pregnant

    It all started when me and my Husband quarrelled for almost two and a half years juts because I was not able to give him a child , we were I'm dispute..
    One day I discussed with my friend and she was laughing at me just because the solution was at my door step, I failed to see it on time. She told me about a Fertility Doctor. DR ATEKHA, i thought it was a joke and I told my friend that it was not real. I gave it a try and I communicated with DR ATEKHA on ( dratekha99@gmail.com) and he told me that I will be able to get pregnant only if I believe and trust him, I trusted him and when the medicine arrived , I took it as he instructed and it took only 3 weeks , I slept with my husband again and behold I was pregnant and had a pair of Twins as my first children and now am pregnant with another one.
    What else can I say than to say Thanks to DR ATEKHA, and my friend Tonia Megale for making me have the love of my life back and hearing the cry of children in my house again....
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    ReplyDelete
  35. Hello everyone am here to share my testimony. I was suffering from BREAST CANCER for the past 3 years and my Dr told me that there is nothing he could do, after the 5 times chemotherapy and radiation and i was not responding to treatment and not even getting better and i had no money for Surgery because it was too expensive for me. I was frustrated and confused, seeking advice from people until a friend told me about Dr. Osebulu Herbal Medicine and herbal cannabis oil and its fast curing ability of any kind of cancer and told me that her mother's LUNGS CANCER was cured by the same Doctor Osebulu. I was desperate to to have the HERBS and i contacted Dr. Osebulu via email to get the miraculous oil. The Dr send me the Herbal Medicine and Cannabis oil through FedEx, to cut the long story short, i got Completely Cured after taking the Herbs for a week. To cut the long story short, as i am writing this testimony on this Blog am so strong and healthy no more cancer in my body again. I did my test and the Doctor confirmed it, i do not have BREAST CANCER anymore which he (The Medical Doctor) was Shock when he confirmed it. I really want to Appreciate Dr Osebulu who got me cured with the help of his herbal medicine and to God Be All The Glory. He also have a herbal cure for the Following DISEASES and INFECTIONS below, this is 100% Real.

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    ReplyDelete
  36. Once the couples have understood that they are not able to conceive, the first thing which they need to do is get in touch with the specialist. The specialist will carry out a few teats and even diagnose you. This is done to get familiar with the root cause, only then the right solution can be suggested. best ivf centre in delhi

    ReplyDelete
  37. you are fed up with all the empty promises and expensive treatments, that haven't reduce the risk of miscarriages and other complications.after years of trying to conceive and a failed IVF and a failed FAnd if you also suffer from ovarian cysts, uterine fibroid, tubal obstruction, endometriosis or lazy ovaries or if your male partner has low sperm count or sperm motility disorders, then Prophetess Masade herbal medicine will help you treat most of these infertility related conditions while restoring your energy and vitality and giving you the healthy baby you've dreamed of for so long. course i have tried it and it worked out for now am pregnant with my baby with just two weeks of contacting him, after 4 years of us trying to conceive. Doctor with your herbs you have brought life into our marriage, am very grateful to you.contact her on masadeinstanthelp@gmail.com or Whatsapp +2349034745112

    ReplyDelete
  38. Hello...
    its Nice
    The natural and very effective treatment to cure arises female infertility You can contact us here to clear any doubt or to know how to take the medicine

    ReplyDelete
  39. My names is Cathy i want to testify about the great spell caster called Priest Ade my husband and i have been married for 5 years now we don't have a child and the doctor told us i can't give birth because my womb have been damaged due to wrong drugs prescription this got me so worried and my husband was not happy so he decided to get married to another girl and divorce me i was so sad i told my friend about it she told me about a powerful spell caster she gave me his email address well i never believe in it that much though i just decided to give him a try and he told me it will take 24hrs to get my husband back to me and i will get pregnant i doubted him the 3rd day my husband came back to me and was crying he said he didn't want the divorce anymore 3 weeks after the doctor confirmed that i was pregnant he can also help you contact him at

    ancientspiritspellcast@yahoo.com or ancientspiritspellcast@gmail.com

    Website https://ancientspiritspellcast1.wordpress.com

    WhatsApp +2347059715465

    ReplyDelete
  40. My husband has a normal sperm count. We have unexplained secondary infertility. Taking this along with motility boost resulted in us conceiving after 3 months of taking baby capsule.

    ReplyDelete
  41. With the help of a man called Dr.Addo I was able to get pregnant though his root and herbs. I'm 47years of age, it was really difficult for me to pregnant though my husband loves me but it was really hurting me not having my own child but after many years I came across Dr.Addo. I'm 7months pregnant now through the help of the wonderful man and I will advice everyone looking for help to get pregnant to contact this great man via his email at: ( addosolution@gmail.com ) OR WhatsApp: ( +19292227518 ). And be happy like me

    ReplyDelete
  42. Hello...
    its Nice
    Infertility is such an issue which can break any man or woman. Though it is a very painful issue, the view of society for this issue makes it more difficult to handle.

    ReplyDelete
  43. If you are having difficulties in getting pregnant contact Prophetess Masade on masadainstanthelp@gmail.com or WhatsApp +2349034745112

    ReplyDelete
  44. I am from Alaska, USA. There is something i want to share with you and i want you to please believe in my testimony so that you can find your helper. I am now a mother of twins girls. I did it with spell casting. I met a man named Doctor Odunga about my condition of how my husband had been maltreating me for more than 7 years since we got married because i was unable to get pregnant for him. But it wasn't also entirely my fault because the doctors told me that he had low sperm count and would not able to father a child and varies of test were run on him. With efforts from the doctors, my husband was not able to get me pregnant but would always blame me for it that i was infertile. I read about Doctor Odunga work who is a spiritual man and he assured me that he will help me. I really don't know how he did it and although i have never met this man before, i gave him his chance to try and ever since my marriage has been smooth. It happened on one faithful night after my husband and I had sex. Three days later, i had severe headache and went to the hospital and the Doctor confirmed that i was carrying a semen in me. After 2 weeks, i went back to the hospital and i was exactly 2 weeks pregnant. I was thinking about Doctor Odunga at this moment that he had helped me with my wishes. Weeks turned into months and my pregnancy became visible. My husband became very caring towards me and treated me with great levity that i even liked to misbehave but playfully. I gave birth to two girls, twins, and i am very thankful to Doctor Odunga. Thank you for reading my story and if you want to contact Doctor Odunga his email is odungaspelltemple@gmail.com

    (1) Increased fertility for men and women
    (2) Increased sperm count
    (3) Fertile ovulation
    (4) Hormone regulation
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    Email Doctor Odunga at odungaspelltemple@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete

I love reading your comments! They make my day! Make sure that your email is linked to your profile so I can email you back!

♥ Ashley