Well I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. I have noticed that many bloggers are focusing on a word for the year. I have been going back and forth with what word I wanted to align myself with. I was debating between present and gratefulness, but this weekend it hit me: content.
I need to be content in my life, where it is right now. I have always found myself looking into the future and living towards that: moving to a new house, getting pregnant (and it actually sticking), adopting a sibling for Ellie, or other improvements I think will fill the void I feel from our 4 miscarriages, not being able to get pregnant, not being able to give Ellie a sibling.
The thing is, I need to be content where I'm at. While our current home is not my dream house or our forever home, I do enjoy it and need to just stop and be happy that we have a house that has room for Ellie to play, property for our animals and that our house is small enough to be manageable. There really is nothing wrong with our house and I need to be content.
The fact of the matter is - I need to accept that maybe pregnancy isn't going to be an option for me and I need to be content in the way that God has planned for how our family will grow. As an infertile I focus so much time and energy on what day of the month it is, could this be an early pregnancy symptom, maybe it's just spotting...and the list goes on. After 5 years it really is taking its toll on me. I need to stop and be content in our family of three and be okay that Ellie and her future sibling aren't going to be as close in age as I had always hoped. Be content and focus on the babe I have in my life. A sibling will come when the time is right.
So there it is. Contentment. I am focusing on being content with where my life is now and to be happy with it.
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