Thoughts for Thursday

You probably don't give it much thought. But I can assure you there are many women in your life that are fighting a disease. It slaps them in the face every month and every time they see or hear of someone becoming pregnant. I am the Face. You have a friend who is the Face. Maybe even you are the Face. The Face of Infertility. It debilitating and wreaks havoc on your emotions. Be kind. Be real. Be genuine. Be sensitive. Be understanding. Be supportive. 

Well another cycle bites the dust.  I've been struggling emotionally the past couple of days - as I'm sure any Infertility sufferer does when it gets close to period day. 

Ever since my first pregnancy/miscarriage (which was also an ectopic pregnancy requiring emergency surgery) back in December 2010, my cycle hasn't been the same. You would think that nearly 3 1/2 years later I would have it figured out but every month dear Aunt Flo plays a trick on me giving me the hope that maybe I just might be pregnant. 

Before my ectopic pregnancy my period would come on strong the first day and remain strong for the duration (usually 7 - 8 days) and then be gone. Since my ectopic surgery and subsequent removal of endometriosis they haven't been as consistent. I usually spot for three days (which always tricks me into thinking we've been successful) then on day four when I get the courage to try a HPT it comes out negative and there is a strong flow which lasts for two days and then is light for another 2-5 days. 

This cycle really had me. I was 2 days late some super light spotting and then BAM negative test and on comes the flow.  

Every month is devastating. It doesn't get any easier.  It just plain sucks.  

I'm praying for all my IF sisters and even those who are TTC.  I feel your pain.